Topic:Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

sample :

According to universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Therefore, this essay will show some reasons of argument for and argument against.

Firstly, I will discuss about two reasons of argument for to begin with universities should accept equal numbrs of male and female students in every subject because it will be balance of idea while studying. In general, there usually are different ideas between man and woman. These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. In addition, nowadays, the most societies become to accept ability of both in any way.

Secondly, I will discuss about one reason of arguments against that is some subjects not suitable for each other. for example, some subjects of sports such as weight putting. It is not suitable for female because there are different of body between male and female.

In conclusion, I agree with universities should accept equal numbers of male an female students in every subject. Moreover, it depend on what the subjects that the students want to study, they can choose by themselves because I believe that if the students like to study their subjects, they will do it well so that I strongly agree with this topic.

4分的原因：

首先，该同学在语法上的缺陷是致命的，多数句子都不符合英语句子结构的要求，如：These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Lead to已经是谓语动词了，后面再出现will happen就是错误的，要知道后一个动词需要采取去动词性质处理：This will lead to new ideas from different perspectives happening 其实这句话也很罗嗦，完全可以改成：This will lead to a wider variety of ideas.

另外一句： Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. 更是无法理解了， is, display, have 及accept 统统是动词形态在句子中出现，但又没有从句将这些动词分开，最终连成功解密过无数学生天书的我也不能理解他究竟想讲什么了。

非常不幸的是在中国庞大的考鸭军团中，有1/2以上的考鸭们写出来的英语句子与这位考生写的同样晦涩难懂。如果你的英语句子也存在这样的基本语法错误的话，我的建议是赶紧花上3-4天的时间解决这个问题，然后再move on到雅思写作上。

写作建议NO.1：Write in an English way, and make your examiner smile J

按照英文的语法句式写英文句子。 其次，这篇文章的论证逻辑混乱：第二段他想表达的是招同样数量的男女生的好处，第三段要写专业的不同会导致招收同样数量的男女生是不现实的，最后收尾段写道：最终我同意应该招收同样数量的男女生。从上面的两段看下来，最后一段要写的应该是partially agree with the topic 才对—如果专业有较强的性别取向性，那么该topic不成立;如果专业对于两性来说同样的，那么一半对一半的搭配是值得推荐的。

写作建议NO.2: Have your conclusion based on what you have expressed rather than what you have conceived.

你的结论来自你的文章内容，而不是你脑子中凭空构思出的。以上就是上海环球雅思写作老师为大家整理出来的写作注意点，希望各位考生一起努力！

 

第二篇：皇家留学 之 雅思大作文修改范文

雅思作文修改

备考雅思的同学们可以看一下，作文里句子是如何修改加工润色的，经过认真对比，自己写作文时要注意避免犯同样的错误。

题目：Some people think the main benefit of international cooperation is in protection of the environment, while others think that the main benefit is in the world business. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is no doubt that international cooperation, from private enterprises to governments, has become increasingly prevalent. It is on account of growingly global economy, and it is beneficial for almost every country in the world.

修改后：There is no doubt that international cooperation, from private enterprises to governments, has become increasingly common in recent years. It is not only conductive to economic globalization, but beneficial to almost every country as well.

People firmly believe that the international cooperation is good for environment protection. It is well aware that every country has its unique way to protect environment. For example, the Dutch do well in disposing of wastes. They point out that if their advanced technology can be introduced into the developing countries that are hardly to invent such good technology, not only some countries or groups but also all of the people living on the earth will benefit a lot. Of course, the countries that have invented these technologies will have to suffer from the damage in economy more or less.

修改后：Some people claim that the international cooperation is good for environment protection. They are well aware that every country has its unique way of protecting environment. For example, the Dutch have done well in disposing of wastes. If their advanced technology can be introduced into the developing countries that could hardly invent it, not only some countries or groups but also perhaps all of the people living on earth will benefit a lot. To be sure, the countries

that have invented these technologies may have to suffer economic losses on a certain level unless their intellectual property rights are protected by the governments.

On the other hand, the view taken by the other people is that the main advantage of international cooperation is in terms of business. It is true that the imports have been sold everywhere in my country. To illustrate, a modern car often consists of different components from various countries. In the meanwhile, some necessary goods are always imported from other countries. However, the competition between local businesses and exotic ones is going more intense.

修改后：On the other hand, others hold the view that the main advantage of international cooperation is evident in terms of business. It is true that the import and export trade plays a major role in a country’s economic development. For instance, a modern car often consists of different components from various countries. However, to some extent, this cooperation between local businesses

and foreign companies has brought about more intense competition around the world.

In my opinion, the merits of international cooperation are in both environment and the business. Also, people ought to make the best use of international cooperation to solve the serious worldwide problems such as global warming.

修改后：Therefore, in my opinion, the merits of international cooperation lie in both environment protection and the business transaction, even though it may face some challenges. The improvement of environment and world economy has been an international focus in recent years. Only by working together internationally can people solve the increasingly serious problems worldwide such as global warming and give a boost to the expansion of world trade.