雅思大作文5分与7分范文各项指数对比分析

Let’s compare two answers to a question.The topic is as follows:

International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the advantages of international tourism outweigh the disadvantages?

A Poor Essay – The following is a band 5 essay.

International tourism has brought enormous benefit to many places. At the same time, there is concern about its impact on local inhabitants and the environment. Do the disadvantages of international tourism outweigh the advantages?

In my opinion advantages outweight the disadvantages. Firstly, many countries like Egypt or Tailand live from tourism Lots of people work there as a seilsmens or tourist guides. These countries without support of tourists wouldn’t be able to funtcion properly. Secondly, in countries visited by tourists are plenty of places where people just can’t pass because of rare animals or plants. Another thing is that people like traveling and seeing new exotic places. They like lie on the beach or swim in ocean.

Furthermore, tourism is now more growing industry highering tousands of people. There are makeing new places to work and to have fun.

But on the other hand, people often forget that they aren’t the only beings on the planet.

Many tourists are living garbage just anywhere. Some of them wan’t an exotic souvenir so they pay for illegal things like dead or live animals or some sculpture.

To sum up I think international traveling is a good thing but people must realise that there is something else besides them. They need to know that flora and fauna needs to be protected. People have to enjoy their holidays but alsow protect environment. Below is an analysis of this essay.

Task Response

The essay question has been copied and used as the introduction (paragraph 1). Once these 34 words are taken off the word count, the response is underlength at 194 words and so loses marks. Nevertheless, the topic is addressed and a relevant position is expressed, although there are patches – as in the third paragraph – where the development is unclear. Other ideas are more relevant but are sometimes insufficiently developed.

Coherence and Cohesion

The candidate’s ideas are clearly organised, and there is an overall progression within the response. There is some effective use of a range of cohesive devices (e.g. connectives like “Secondly” and “Furthermore”). Referencing is also sometimes used effectively (e.g. in paragraph 4, the use of “they” in the second sentence to refer to “people” in the first sentence). However, there is also some mechanical over-use of linkers in places (e.g. “But on the other hand,” paragraph 6). As well, paragraphs are sometimes rather too short and inappropriate.

Lexical Resource

A range of vocabulary is attempted, and this is adequate for a good response to the task. However, control of the vocabulary is weak, and there are frequent spelling errors which can cause some difficulties for the reader (e.g. “seilsmens” instead of “salesmen,”paragraph 2). This lowers the mark.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

The candidate uses a mix of simple and complex structures with frequent subordinate clauses. Control of complex structures is variable, and although errors are noticeable, they only rarely make it difficult to understand the message.

A Good Essay – The following is a band 7 essay.

Tourism is a very big industry in the modern time and is growing quite rapidly. Thousands of people travel everywhere to various destinations every year. Arguments have come up regarding the benefits and negative impacts of tourism in places and on its local inhabitants and environment; however, I believe there are more advantages than disadvantages of international tourism.

People travel for various reasons; we travel for business purposes, holidays, visit friends and relatives etc. Travelling is mostly seen as a recreational activity. Tourism has many advantages. Tourism can play a tremendous part in a countrys economy, the more tourists visit a country and spend money there, the better it is for the country; that way more money is circulated within the country and even the stability of their currencys rate of exchange persists if not improve. Vendors and shops get to sell more goods and make an income. Tourism also has its non-monetary advantages; it brings cultures and people closer. People from all around the world get to share their culture with each other and even learn more. This is a good opportunity in education.

Tourism seems to have some disadvantages too; However, I believe the problems caused by tourism are not something that cannot be solved or prevented. A lot of people believe that tourism can destroy or deviate culture and causes quite an impact on visited locations, such as pollution and littering. People can adhere to their own beliefs and way of life if they want to; no one can really forcefully influence someone to change from their morals and ethics. Pollution can be avoided by increasing usage of environmental friendly

vehicles used for tours and rents, warnings and visual education on littering and smoking, specific times can be allocated for tours to certain areas, such as peak times where local inhabitants feel uncomfortable due to too many foreigners.

Where there are problems there can always be solutions. Tourism brings great amount of advantages for any place in many ways and is a “win-win” exchange process. The very few problems caused can always be avoided or taken care of. I believe tourism should be highly promoted, specially in traditional and poor countries with natural beauty such as Thailand.

Below is an analysis of this essay.

Task Response.

The candidate addresses both aspects of the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. Main ideas are generally clear and relevant,although some supporting ideas lack focus, as in the opening of paragraph 2.

Coherence and Cohesion

Ideas are generally wellorganised, and there is a clear overall progression with only minor lapses where points are not well-integrated into the argument. A range of cohesive devices is used effectively, although there is some under-use of connectives and substitution, and some lapses in the use of referencing.

Lexical Resource

A good range of vocabulary is used with some flexibility and precision. The candidate has a good awareness of style and collocation, although occasional awkward expressions or incorrect word choices and word form lower the mark.

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

A good range of sentence structures is used with a high level of accuracy resulting in frequent error-free sentences. Minor systematic errors persist, however, and punctuation is unhelpful at times.

（来源：朗阁 房挺）

 

第二篇：雅思大作文4分范文评析

雅思大作文4分范文评析

今天小编为大家带来的主要是关于雅思大作文中的经典范文，其中还附有评析，希望大家能对今天的文章能对大家有所帮助。 20xx年雅思写作满分范文在线下载

Topic:Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree of disagree? sample :

According to universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Therefore, this essay will show some reasons of argument for and argument against.

Firstly, I will discuss about two reasons of argument for to begin with universities should accept equal numbrs of male and female students in every subject because it will be balance of idea while studying. In

general, there usually are different ideas between man and woman. These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. In addition, nowadays, the most societies become to accept ability of both in any way.

Secondly, I will discuss about one reason of arguments against that is some subjects not suitable for each other. for example, some subjects of sports such as weight putting. It is not suitable for female because there are different of body between male and female.

In conclusion, I agree with universities should accept equal numbers of male an female students in every subject. Moreover, it depend on what the subjects that the students want to study, they can choose by themselves because I believe that if the students like to study their subjects, they will do it well so that I strongly agree with this topic. 4分的原因：

首先，该同学在语法上的缺陷是致命的，多数句子都不符合英语句子结构的要求，如：These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Lead to已经是谓语动词了，后面再出现will happen就是错误的，要知道后一个动词需要采取去动词性质处理：This will lead to new ideas from different perspectives happening 其实这句话也很罗嗦，完全可以改成：This will lead to a wider variety of ideas.

另外一句： Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. 更是无法理解了， is, display, have 及accept 统统是动词形态在句子中出现，但又没有从句将这些动词分开，最终连成功解密过无数学生天书的我也不能理解他究竟想讲什么了。

非常不幸的是在中国庞大的考鸭军团中，有1/2以上的考鸭们写出来的英语句子与这位考生写的同样晦涩难懂。如果你的英语句子也存在这样的基本语法错误的话，我的建议是赶紧花上3-4天的时间解决这个问题，然后再move on到雅思写作上。

写作建议NO.1：Write in an English way, and make your examiner smile J

按照英文的语法句式写英文句子。 其次，这篇文章的论证逻辑混乱：第二段他想表达的是招同样数量的男女生的好处，第三段要写专业的不同会导致招收同样数量的男女生是不现实的，最后收尾段写道：最终我同意应该招收同样数量的男女生。从上面的两段看下来，最后一段要写的应该是partially agree with the topic 才对—如果专业有较强的性别取向性，那么该topic不成立;如果专业对于两性来说同样的，那么一半对一半的搭配是值得推荐的。

写作建议NO.2: Have your conclusion based on what you have expressed rather than what you have conceived.