幽默名句

1.别紧张,我又不是什么好人??

---------------第一次见面搭讪时，MM紧张不配合，Try the sentence.

2.最近总是失眠，16小时就醒一次。

---------------MM关心你最近有什么状况的时候，别总是直接的说自己很忙，用多了反而是DLV了。试试幽默的回答他。

3.人人都说我丑，其实我只是美得不明显。

----------------MM说我们不适合的时候。你可以先说你是不是嫌我丑，然后接上这个句子，展示自信---DHV

4.绅士无非就是耐心的狼。

--------------只要你用打压还是骄傲风趣法，都难免让MM埋怨你，说你不不如别人绅士， 那些书是让你把MM推给那个人，但你也可以尝试下这句

5.我又不是人民币，怎么能让人人都喜欢我？

----------------当MM说因为父母还是朋友或者其他讨厌你，妨碍你们两个，你就这样回答。也可以改成“我其实是人民币，人人都喜欢我！”骄傲风趣法的完美惯例。 真是Perfect.

6.你为什么不找个安静的地方自个儿数数脑细胞儿去？

---------------打压用的，自己看时机。

7.知道你过得不好，我也就安心了。

---------------问MM最近生活过的如何，如果MM回答有点点否定，就可以用了。（个人不推荐你去问MM的生活情况，这完全是没事找事，展示自己的DLV，要问比较贴别的问题，摆脱味同嚼蜡的问题，MM是不会喜欢的）

8.人生只有三天，活在昨天的人迷惑；活在明天的人等待；活在今天的人最踏实。 ------------------装B的句子，随时都能用。

9.不成熟男人的标志是可以为了理想壮烈的牺牲，成熟男人的标志的可以为了理想卑贱的活着。

---------------晚上单独和MM在一起，有可能被人抢劫的（PS：没有一个城市里会没有罪犯），别冲动，但也要表现的很强硬，别让强盗劫财又劫色- -。事后MM如果问你为什么不和强盗斗争（你TD后应该把这种白痴女人甩了），你可以用这句子---DHV

10.漫漫人生路，总会错几步。

--------------约会倍增术和其他书都提示你：多次想你的目标提起只是和她做朋友。后面如果你们交往的时候，她提起了这事，你应该长叹一声，然后丢出这句。

11.我要让全世界都知道我很低调。

---------------用的机会很多。比如自己假装低调，然后MM调戏你说你哪里低调啊，就用这句。

12.我多想一个不小心就和你白头偕老。

------------SOI+风趣幽默，MM很喜欢

13.真的猛士，敢于直面自己未化妆的脸。

------------调戏+打压 那些喜欢化妆的MM。例：MM因为打扮让你等了很久，你不可能直接说“你可真臭美”，就用这句。

14.令人不能自拔的，除了牙齿还有爱情。

----------舒适感阶段用

25.小时候我以为自己长大后可以拯救整个世界，等长大后才发现整个世界都拯救不了我。 真羡慕你这么年轻就认识我了。

-----------骄傲风趣法的完美惯例

16.生活不是林黛玉，不会因为忧伤而风情万种。

------------鼓励MM要乐观，后面丢出一个惯例--关于自己克服困难的，别说没有，你不知道编吗？

17.你说你以后可能会和不喜欢的人结婚，没关系，我愿意做那个你不喜欢的人。 --------------骄傲风趣法

18.人性最可怜的就是：我们总是梦想着天边的一座奇妙的玫瑰园，而不去欣赏今天就开在我们窗口的玫瑰

----------暗示自己就是那朵玫瑰

19.还没来得及去沾花惹草，就被人拔光了。

-------------问你有没有女朋友，真没有也不需要编造，用这句。

20.我又不是王子，为什么女孩遇见我总认为自己应该成为公主

-------------遇见自己的真命天女后，这句就有用处了。

21.结婚就是给自由穿件棉衣，活动起来不方便，但会很温暖

-------------同上，跟真名谈婚论嫁时

22.XX就像内裤，看不见但很重要。

-----------万能的句子,XX任意代吧。

23.你有什么不开心的事？说出来让大家开心一下

------------MM如果有心事，你试一试这样问（还是不推荐，你应该要把话题引导到那些积极令人高兴的话题，这样才能最好最快让MM走出烦恼状态）

24.泡酒吧的男人是找刺激的，而女人，多半是受过刺激

------------打压夜店女，自己看情况用，用好很强大。

25.长个包子样就别怨狗跟着

-----------IOI，(包子-漂亮,狗-好人）虽然迷男方法和其他的都不推荐夸MM漂亮，但个人觉得只要在合适的时机丢出，还是很有用的。

26.总有一天你的名字会出现在我家的户口本上!

---------------SOI

27.特别的人从来不说自己特别，比如说我。

-----------------MM夸你时。

28.我风情又果敢,远目且踏实,品味上乘却又勤奋自省,缺点虽多，还望大家海涵! ---------------还是骄傲风趣法

29.YOU：人家十全十美，你怎么说也是十全八美~~MM：那我是缺哪两美？YOU：内在美和外在

美??MM：????

-----------很喜欢的一个打压

 

第二篇：王尔德幽默名言

王尔德幽默名言

A cynic is a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing.

愤世嫉俗者是一个知道所有东西的价格、却不知道它们的价值的人。

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.

梦想家只能在月光下找到自己的路，他的惩罚是第一个看见黎明。

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.

不够真诚是危险的，太真诚则绝对是致命的。

A man can't be too careful in the choice of his enemies.

一个人在选择他的敌人时，再小心也不为过。

A poet can survive everything but a misprint.

一个诗人什么都可以容忍，印刷错误除外。

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does. That's his.

所有女人都会变得像她们的母亲一样，这是女人的悲剧。但没有男人变得像他们的父亲，这是男人的悲剧。

Always forgive your enemies. Nothing annoys them so much.

永远要宽恕你的敌人。没有什么比这更能让他们心烦的了。

America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between.

美国是唯一一个直接从野蛮进入颓废、中间没有经过文明阶段的社会。

Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing.

要避免争论，争论总是俗不可耐，而且常常令人信服。

As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied.

只要一个女人看上去比她自己的女儿小十岁，她就一定会心满意足。

Bad artists always admire each other's work.

糟糕的画家总是欣赏彼此的作品。

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship.

男女之间不可能存在友谊，有的只是爱恨情仇。

Conscience and cowardice are really the same things.

良心和怯懦其实是一回事。

Dammit sir, it's your duty to get married. You can't be always living for pleasure.

该死，先生，结婚是你的职责，你不能总是逍遥快活。

Democracy means simply the bludgeoning of the people by the people for the people.

民主就是指人民用人民的大头棒打击人民。

Don't give a woman advice; one should never give a woman anything she can't wear in the evening.

不要给女人忠告；决不要给女人任何她晚上不能穿戴的东西。

Education is an admirable thing, but it is well to remember from time to time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.

教育是一件可敬的事，但要时刻牢记，没有什么值得知道的事是教得会的。

Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes.

经验是一个人给自己所犯的错误取的名字。

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

时装丑陋得完全令人无法容忍，以至于我们必须每6个月就改变它的样式。

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

女人如何能期望会从男人那里获得幸福，如果他坚持把她当作一个完全正常的人。

I adore political parties. They are the only place left to us where people don't talk politics.

我喜欢政治晚会，这是唯一人们不谈政治的地方。

I am not young enough to know everything.

我还没有年轻到什么都懂的地步。

I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I’m saying.

我简直太聪明了，有时连我自己都不知道自己在说什么。

I can resist everything except temptation.

我可以抗拒一切，诱惑除外。

I have made an important discovery…that alcohol, taken in sufficient quantities, produces all the effects of intoxication.

我有一个重大发现——如果摄入足量酒精，就会产生各种陶醉的效果。

I like talking to a brick wall, it's the only thing in the world that never contradicts me.

我喜欢对一堵墙说话，世界上只有它不会反驳我。

I love acting. It is so much more real than life.

我喜欢演戏。与人生相比，演戏更真实。

I often take exercise. Why only yesterday I had breakfast in bed.

我经常锻炼。只是昨天我是在床上吃的早饭。

I think that God, in creating Man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

我想，上帝在创造人类时高估了他的能力。

I was working on the proof of one of my poems all morning, and took out a comma. In the afternoon I put it back again.

我整个早上都在校对自己的一首诗，我去掉了一个逗号。下午我又把它加了上去。

Ignorance is like a delicate flower: touch it and the bloom is gone.

无知就像是一朵精致的花朵：摸一下，它就消失了。

In this world there are only two tragedies. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it.

世界上只有两种悲剧，一种是一个人没有得到他想要的，另一种是他得到了。

It is a very sad thing that nowadays there is so little useless information.

这是一件很悲哀的事——如今几乎没有无用的信息。

It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.

美丽要比善良好，善良要比难看强。

It is characteristic of all deep human problems that they are not to be approached without some humor and some bewilderment.

所有人类的重大问题都有一个共同点：没有点幽默和疯狂是没办法解决的。

It is only the intellectually lost who ever argue.

争论者损失的只是智力。

It is very easy to endure the difficulties of one's enemies. It is the successes of one's friends that are hard to bear.

来自敌人的困难可以忍，来自朋友的成功则无可忍。

Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other. 人生就是一件蠢事追着另一件蠢事而来，而爱情则是两个蠢东西追来追去。

Like dear St Francis of Assisi I am wedded to Poverty: but in my case the marriage is not a success.

就像亲爱的圣芳济一样，我也和贫穷联姻，但我的婚姻并不成功。

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

结婚是想象战胜了理智，再婚是希望战胜了经验。

Music makes one feel so romantic—at least it always gets on one's nerves, which is the same thing nowadays.

音乐让人感觉非常浪漫，至少让人感觉不安，如今两者是一回事。

No woman should ever be quite accurate about her age. It looks so calculating. 没有女人应该对她的年龄十分准确。这显得有些精于算计。

One should never trust a woman who tells her real age. If she tells that, she'll tell anything. 一个人决不应该相信说出自己真实年龄的女人。如果她把这都说出来了，那她什么都会说。 Please do not shoot the pianist. He is doing his best.

请别开枪打死那个钢琴师，他已经尽力了。

Science is the record of dead religions.

科学是死去的宗教的记录。

Tell the cook of this restaurant with my compliments that these are the very worst

sandwiches in the whole world, and that when I ask for a watercress sandwich I do not mean a loaf with a field in the middle of it.

请转告我对这家饭店厨师的赞誉，这是全世界最糟糕的三明治了，还有，我点的是豆瓣菜三明治，我并不是要面包片中夹一块菜田。

The basis of optimism is sheer terror.

乐观的基础完全是恐惧。

The Book of Life begins with a man and a woman in a garden…It ends with Revelations. 《生命之书》始于一座花园里的一男一女……它最后以《启示录》告终。

The difference between journalism and literature is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.

报纸和文学的区别是，报纸没法读，而文学则没人读。

The only difference between saints and sinners is that every saint has a past while every sinner has a future.

圣人和罪人的唯一区别是，每一个圣人都有过去，而每一个罪人都有未来。

The only thing to do with good advice is to pass it on. It is never of any use to oneself. 对于忠告，你所能做的，就是把它奉送给别人，忠告从来就不是给自己准备的。 The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.

摆脱诱惑的唯一方法是屈服于它。

The play was a great success, but the audience was a disaster.

演出相当成功，但观众则是一场灾难。

The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.

公众极其宽容，他们可以宽容一切，天才除外。

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.

世界上只有一件比被人谈论更糟糕的事，那就是没人谈论你。

Thirty five is a very attractive age; London society is full of women who have of their own free choice remained thirty-five for years.

三十五岁是一个非常有吸引力的年龄；伦敦社交圈内满是这样好多年一直保持三十五岁的女人，她们可以自由地挑来选去。

This suspense is terrible. I hope it will last.

悬念是可怕的。我希望它一直延续下去。

Time is a waste of money.

时间是一种对金钱的浪费。

To lose one parent may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness. 失去一个父母可以看成是一种不幸；失去双亲看上去就像是一种粗心了。

To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.

爱自己就是开始一场延续一生的罗曼史。

True friends stab you in the front.

当面扎刀的是真朋友。

When good Americans die they go to Paris. When bad Americans die they go to America. 当美国的好人死了，他们就去巴黎。当美国的坏蛋死了，他们就去美国。

All bad poetry springs from genuine feeling.

所有糟糕的诗歌都源于真情实感。

When I was young I used to think that money was the most important thing in life. Now that I am old, I know it is.

当我年轻时，我以为金钱是人生中最重要的东西。现在我老了，我知道这是真的。

When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers.

当天神想要惩罚我们，他们就答应我们的祈祷。

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

每当人们赞同我时，我总希望自己一定是错了。

Women are never disarmed by compliments. Men always are. That is the difference between the sexes.

恭维话从来没有让女人缴械，但可以让男人缴械。这就是性别差异。

Women have a much better time than men in this world. There are far more things forbidden to them.

女人在世上的日子要比男人好过得多。她们有太多禁忌。

Women love men for their defects; if men have enough of them women will forgive them everything, even their gigantic intellects.

女人因为男人的缺点而爱男人；如果男人的缺点足够多，女人什么事都可以原谅他们，哪怕是他们的智力。

Women represent the triumph of matter over mind, just as men represent the triumph of mind over morals.

女人代表着物质战胜了理智，正如男人代表着理智战胜了道德。

Young men want to be faithful, and are not; old men want to be faithless, and cannot. 年轻人想要有信仰，但他们却没有；老年人不想要有信仰，但却办不到。