20xx年商务英语初级写作范文指导 作文题目：

You are the office manager at an insurance company. You have arranged for contractors to upgrade your computer system. This means the system will be shut down for a full day.

Write a memo of 40-50 words:

informing staff of the shutdown

telling them when it will happen

asking them to prepare alternative work for the day. 老师提示：

商务写作中遵循的原则是：简洁，精确，礼貌。在考试中或者工作中，格式基本已经 给出，所以只需要我们写正文即可。正文中我们写作要做到选词精当，一针见血，语法正确，不出低级错误的句子。备忘录属于半正式的文体写作，所以在句子选择 上可以适当放宽，不必太正式。

网友作文一：

MEMORANDUM

from : Tom TO : all staff

date : 25/8

Because our computor system will be upgraded by the contractors on 28 AUGUEST, so the system will be shut down for a full day on that day[1], i ask for you prepare alternative work for the[2] day. and the work don't use computer system .

I think you can give a good performance to me to pass the accident.

[3]

名师修改意见：

[1]Business writing 中尽量少使用because....so... 这样的结构，看起来不够专业，改为：As we plan to upgrade.....

[2]有中式英文的痕迹：我要求你们。。。。改为：please prepare alternative work if you have to use the computer.

[3]这不能算作accident, 既然已经计划好了。整句去掉。换成thank you. 网友作文二：

From: office manager

To: all staff

Subject: the company system

I would like to notify you that [1]the computer system of our company's will be shut down on this Tuesday for a whole day long [2]on account of the system needs a upgrade.[3]Therefore, please taking notice of this event in advance, in case of some potential inconveniences and troubles on Tuesday, yet prepare alternative work for that day. [4]

Thank you.[5]

名师修改意见：

[1]去掉这个开头，直接用被动语态开头。

[2]去掉，多余了。

[3]如果你不能保证用长复句可以表达清楚，那么建议换成短句吧。拆成几个短句也许表达更贴切呢。

[4]这句话看起来非常不清楚，主语在哪里?please 的后面是吗?改成：please make sure that you have prepared alternative work.

[5]另换一行

网友作文三：

Dear all:

The file system will shtudown [1]due to system maintainance next Friday.

It will take a full day to finish this job.[2]

Please do not acccess the [3]file server that day and backup your files one it[4].

名师修改意见：

[1]够干练了，语法错误多。 Be shut down

[2]去掉

[3]Access to

[4]On it?

网友作文四：

From: office Manager

To: all staff

Subject: upgarde of computer system

As our computer system need to be upgraded, we have arranged the contarctors to upgrade the them [1]on Wedesday. On that day all computers should be shutted down for a full day, so you need arrange some alternative work for that day.

名师修改意见：

[1]第一: 不要重复使用前面已经用过的词;第二：指代错误，前面说的

system 是单数，怎么到这里变成了them? 合成一句：as we have arranged the contractor to upgrade our computer system.

 

第二篇：20xx年商务英语初级写作范文指导(2)

作文题目：

Formulate a smoking policy for your office which is fair to both smokers and nonsmokers. Write a 40-50 word memo informing all staff of the policy.

提示：

我们需要确定，如果我是公司职员，我要在这篇memo中获得什么信息?是不是要知道：

1.新的吸烟政策从什么时候开始;

2.吸烟区划定在什么地方?

网友作文一：

TO: All Employees

FROM: CEO, Willan Smith

SUBJECT: NEW SMOKING POLICY

For all the employees, especially smokers,[1] plz be aware that our company's new smoking policy has been formulated as follow: A main smoking area's going to be restricted before Next MONDAY[2], anyone is not allowed to smoker in non-smoking zone even in the washing room.[3]

Plz target the smoking and non-smoking area and stick to the company's new policy.[4]

Thx.

名师指导：

[1]去掉，抬头已经写过给所有的员工，所以直接从正文开始就行了，费这个事干什么?

[2]时间不确切，最好是 from next Monday. Before 这个期限是什么时候?如果不能给出确切信息，就不要说，还不如换成具体的吸烟区域更好: be restricted to the room next to the toilet.

[3]你经常在洗手间吸烟吗?或者你们公司有这样的同事?把这句话去掉。

[4]添加：to ensure that it is fair to all of you.

网友作文二：

To: All staff

From: Hope0068

Everybody know that smoking is dangerous for your health. And the The studies didn't just point to the ill effects of smoking on those who smoke--non-smokers, too. [1] Notice is hereby given that the smoking area is located in the special corner[2] of the first floor of this building. This come into force on[3] September 15th.

Thanks.

名师指导：

[1]Memo 的主要作用就是提醒同事们注意事项，这和吸烟有多有害不相干，去掉。改为：to assure working environment

[2]一般的公司都应该给个room

[3]from

网友作文三：

memorandum

to : all the staff

from : jeremy

subjuect : new somking policy

do you have a feeling that our office is surrounding by smog all the day, [1]so we will implemented a[2] new policy for somking ,from next week[3] ,we will open an area[4] for the smoking ,and other area is rescricting to smoke ,also there is a punishment when we find you smoke in these area [5]

thank you

名师指导：

[1]去掉来

[2]we will implement a

[3]Next Monday

[4]在哪里啊?

[5]关于惩罚，最好不提。

网友作文四：

to: All Staff

from: Susuan Wu

To creat a nonsmoking office room, we hope that smoking is forbidden in the work office from Sep.1st. Would you please enjoy your smoking in the Launch by closing the office door.

Thank you for your coperation.

名师指导：

整体很干脆，但是语气比较客气，而且没有看出是公司新政策的实行啊! 网友作文五：

To: All staff

From: Sarah Buffay

As you all know, there is an increasing dispute about smoking in the office. Now we'd like to formulate a policy both fair to smokers and nonsmokers: The vacant room 408 will be opened as "Smoking Room" from tomorrow. All smokers may go there within the time limitation from 9:00a.m. to 4:00p.m. But smokers are not allowed to smoke outside this room.[1] If you have any problems, please contact me. [2]

名师指导：

[1]去掉。

[2]这是信件的结尾，不是memo的，直接用 thank you 就可以。